Thursday 26 November 2015

A few of my favourite things

I have to remind myself sometimes of how lucky I am, have a little chat with myself when I’m down in the dumps for no good reason (although possibly induced by tiredness, hormones or a dark, drizzly day).

I have a good job with nice colleagues, good friends, a good income, I'm in good health and have a loving family, some of these would more accurately be in the ‘great’ category - what more do you want Janet?

If I was working two jobs to make ends meet living in substandard accommodation independently supporting three kids I wouldn’t be stressing about these stupid little things, I would have far better things to worry about. It’s a luxury to stress out about the small stuff. So count your blessings Janet.

At these times instead of focusing on what brings me down I try to focus on what picks me up and to appreciate life’s simply pleasures. In the words of Maria Von Trapp -  I simply remember my favourite things and then I don't feel sooooo baaaAADDD! They include...

  • Watching people run for the bus – people suddenly sprinting along the road, juggling bags of shopping, cups of coffee, wearing inappropriate footwear, dodging their fellow pedestrians while frantically waving their arms around all add to the hilarity. The - will they - wont they -  make it element adds to the entertainment factor.  
  • A sunny, cold, early morning ride to work – the freedom of riding, the winter sun low in the sky reflected on the river, frost sparkling over Walthamstow Marshes before going through Hackney as people start opening up their shops ready for their days trade.
  • Making a meal using a new recipe and it turning out to be delicious.
  • Chatting with my neighbours and feeling part of a community. We moved into our house two months before Erin was born so I was soon off work and around a lot. When you see a lot of your neighbours regularly you quickly build up great relationships and it really makes it feel like home.
  • Coffee, coffee shops, the smell of coffee, a chat over a coffee. Ahhh coffee.

Maria after receiving a brown paper parcel tied up with string

  • The kindness of strangers, for example, someone letting you get on the bus/tube first in the usual ‘every man for himself’ hustle and bustle of London.
  • Watching the leaves burst in the spring and turn in the Autumn.
  • Laughing until I cry with friends, family or at shows like Trigger Happy. 
  • Chocolate cold from the fridge. Why does it taste so much better cold? Why does a cheese sandwich taste so much better with grated rather than sliced cheese? Why?

Read more...

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Monday 9 November 2015

Expect the unexpected when expecting

I think it's impossible to convey to someone who hasn't had a baby the enormity of the reality that is having a baby! Everyone's advice to me fell on deaf ears and I can see in people's eyes who don't have children a similar blankness when I comment on some aspects of motherhood.

Some of the advice given to me when I was pregnant included…

“Go on as many holidays and evenings out as you can now” (Wide eyes).
What I thought: Life will not change that much we are still going to go out and have holidays for christ sake.

“Oh all will change once the baby arrives”.
What I thought: What, how? I know they feed through the night but that's the only thing to worry about right.

“Rest and sleep as much as you can now!”
What I thought: Really, its only a tiny baby, what on earth is he on about.

“Don't worry about labour, it will be ok, you will get through it”.
What I thought: I'm not worried, but you saying this is making me worry. Shut up!



Looking back I think I thought that when I was no longer pregnant life would go back to how it was before. I remember googling places that sold chocolate Martini’s in London as my birthday was two months after Erin was due, thinking I'd be out for a big night as I would no longer be pregnant.  I hadn't given much thought to how labour intensive breast feeding could be so we ended up going for a pub lunch around the corner for a couple of hours on my birthday and Erin slept the whole time – a massive gift!

I remember being really excited about a year off work, and if someone had told me by the end of it, I would be looking forward to go back to work and I would then consider these my rest days, I would have laughed in their face. I went off on maternity leave - bye everyone see you back at the gym/pub in a few weeks. I remember chatting to another new mum on maternity leave about our expectations and she said that she thought she’d be reading lots of books – how we laughed.

There are something's you will never understand until you have a baby no matter what people tell you or how much you have been around your nieces, nephews or friends children. Because of this I have tried to manage my responses and advice that I give to those expecting, such as….

DTB (Dad to be): ‘’You know, we are not going to be those parents that stress out about our baby sleeping and making everyone be quiet, if there is some noise in the house or some one knocks the door and wakes him up, that’s fine, no big deal’’.

Me (truthful response): ‘’haaaaa haaa HAAAAA, I used to think the same but you will become obsessed with sleep – his and yours – you will probably cry if someone wakes him up after you've been trying to get him to sleep all morning after a sleepless night. I can’t wait to remind you that you said this in a years time!’’

Me (what I actually said): “Good plan.”

MTB (mum to be): “I’m not all worried about labour, I mean I know it will be painful but people do it every day so it can’t be that bad.’’

Me (the truthful response): ‘’That is what I thought! I was totally relaxed but I should have been terrified because it hurt like f**k, but I got through it after 12 hours on gas and air so you’ll be fine, it's only one day of your life.”

Me: (what I actually said): ‘’Exactly, every day.”.

MTB: ‘’I think I’ll be quite relaxed as a mum, I don’t know why my sister gets so stressed with her two, I think its how you handle it.’’

Me (truthful response): ‘’I used to think exactly the same but the truth is you will be tested to your limits with a new born, you will question ever thing you do and feel love and worry like never before which coupled with tiredness may at times turn you into a neurotic mess but don’t worry you’ll get
through it and you’ll be great and it will be wonderful.”

Me (what I actually said): "Totally."
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Friday 16 October 2015

The Seven Deadly Things

Seven things I've let Erin hold/eat/play with rather than listen to the crying that would ensue if I took it off her are...
  1. A cucumber stick under the table from yesterday's lunch
  2. My credit cards and purse
  3. My best makeup
  4. My expensive face cream
  5. A tampon
  6. My nice bra and pants
  7. The plug socket


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Thursday 8 October 2015

Managing my post baby holiday expectations

There is nothing you want more during the first few months of having a baby than a holiday. The thing is holidays after a baby no longer have the same meaning. Your mind is still in before child mode of I’m really tired, been so busy, stressed and run down that I need a holiday - you need a break from this  – you book a holiday – take a holiday – come home feeling rested or tired but happy – you feel that you have had a break. Now if you go on holiday you will be taking most of the routine you need a break from with you, you will still be feeding your baby through the day and night, they may not sleep as well in a new environment, you will have to deal with a baby on a plane or a long car journey and possibly baby jet lag. It's not all bad, you may be having a break from the winter, a break from washing up, the 4 walls of the living room and be spending some quality time with your partner plus you'll have an extra pair of hands to help with the baby, and if travelling with friends or family several pairs of helping hands.

Our first weekend away was to a kayaking regatta in Nottingham when Erin was 6 months old. Desperate for a change of scenery I prepared with excited anticipation. Erin's stuff took up two thirds of the boot.

Usually we would camp but we treated ourselves to a b&b so we had a room with an ensuite and a cot was provided. During the day we were at the river side with the kayaking club. The river was lined with speakers announcing the race results and blasting out music in between so I had to breast feed Erin and put her down for her naps in the boot of the car amidst the goings on and to provide some shelter from the wind. We couldn't go out for dinner with the group when racing had finished as we had to get Erin back to the b&b for bath and bed after which we sat in the back garden with a dominos pizza for an hour (possible the highlight of the weekend) before creeping into the room. Erin woke more than usual through the night and we had to try and sooth her cries under the extra pressure from knowing that we were keeping the other b&b guests awake. We woke the next morning bleary eyed before driving the 3 hours home. Needless to say it wasn't the break I'd hoped for.

The long haul to Australia
When Erin was 10 months old we took her to Australia to meet her Dads side of the family. Surprisingly the flights weren't too bad, as they were mostly over night so Erin slept for a lot of it in the sky cot provided and she wasn't walking so was relatively easy to contain and we took it in turns to entertain her enabling the other to have a break. What we hadn't predicted was how bad her jet lag would be with her waking in the early hours (1am/2am) and being awake for a few hours before going back to sleep for three nights in a row when we got there. On the return home it took 2 weeks to get her back into her routine. This trip was more of a holiday, the best thing was having my other half off work for a month to help. We even went out for 2 or 3 evenings but couldn't leave until Erin was asleep at around 7.30 and were usually home in bed by 9.30-10 as we were up at 5.30am with her as the sun rising and the birds going ballistic was her daily wake up call.

A  successful holiday when Erin was 18 months to the Lake District followed, the planets aligned for an easy train journey both there and back with Erin now having toddler status and being more interactive she loved running and playing outside in the amazing landscape and having a great time with her Grandma and Grandad. Juggling her between the 4 of us meant some down time too.

Enjoying the great outdoors in The Lake District
                                                     
With our confidence boosted and expectations of a holiday well and truly realigned we thought we'd book a week away during late summer this year, just the three of us. There seemed to be two types of holiday available, firstly holidays to sunny Europe - cheap and cheerful, to the Costas with aqua play areas that looked the stuff of pre child nightmares or wholesome, more expensive, middle class holidays to cottages in Norfolk, Cornwall or the South of France.

Our old holiday criteria check list…
  • The more far flung the better
  • Culture
  • Off the beaten track
  • Excitement
  • Adventure
Our holiday search criteria now…
  • Western standards - low chance of Erin getting food poisoning & medical care available in case of an emergency
  • Not too hot – less chance of Erin getting sun stroke
  • Not too exotic – less chance of Mosquitos therefore less chance of malaria
  • Politically stable – low chance of us being caught up in an emergency situation
  • Short flight and transfer time
  • Pool
  • Fully catered – no washing up or cooking for a week
  • Sandy beach with calm waters
  • Crèche facilities
  • Children's activities
  • Separate bedroom or apartment preferred so can still talk at normal volume once Erin is in bed
  • Kitchenette and bath tub preferable

I liked the sound of a crèche or kids club but few seemed to cater for the under 2’s. And realistically it took Erin 5 months to settle into nursery so the chances of her settling into a new environment before the 7 day holiday was over were slim.

We ended up booking a week to Minorca to a 4 star all inclusive ‘child friendly' friendly hotel, staying in a one bedroom apartment with bathtub and kitchenette. There was a spa and a gym too! I packed my sports kit even though I knew I wouldn’t go.

Dawn in Minorca
On arrival the hotel proved to be the stuff of our pre-baby nightmares, children everywhere mostly of a similar age but now this was ideal! It was a lovely week spent taking in the simple pleasures of being together and outside, watching the waves, making sand castles, picking pebbles and shells off the beach and lots and lots of swimming. It was lovely for Erin to spend quality time with her dad away from the stresses and strains of the daily grind. I also enjoyed eating both cheese and chocolate at at the end of every meal and having either a beer or gin and tonic in my hand by 4pm everyday (OK 2pm).

Holidays are back! Just a little different.

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Saturday 26 September 2015

A letter to my one year old daughter

Dear Erin,

I barely noticed you when you arrived I was so relieved for it to be over, you see it was all about me then but now it's all about you. All I had read were pregnancy and labour books so once we got you home it was a steep learning curve.

Not being especially maternal I didn’t fall for you until you were about 5 months old but now you've got me hook, line and sinker. When I think of you I instantly feel calm and happy, sometimes I miss you even when your just upstairs sleeping.

I think about life before you sometimes, how easy and carefree it was, weekends spent lolling around hungover in coffee shops and restaurants – that was my life for so long and I miss it at times.

I mustn't lie, I've found the changes in my life very hard, I've felt lonely and really struggled at times with how hard parenting is, especially in the first year. My mind would have flashes of getting on a train to anywhere, disappearing and booking myself into a central London Premier Inn for a couple of nights to sit in a dressing gown and watch TV while eating peanut m&ms in between sleeping. Instead, the one escape every day was to the shower for 10 minutes or so where I could briefly close the door behind me and only hear the soothing sound of the water. Everyone said ‘it does get easier’ and it did, or did I just get used to my new life.

Its been magical watching you grow and learn, seeing the wonder in your eyes as you explore the world.  You continue to astound and amaze me.  I can't imagine having another baby and loving them as much as I love you, I feel like I would burst.

I hope you think I am a good mum when you are older, I hope you can turn to me, confide in me, that we are close. That we are the kind of mum and daughter who talk everyday. I hope I’m wise enough to guide you, worldly enough to inspire you, I hope you are as proud of me as I am of you.

You are the sun rising, the world turning, the stars in my sky.

All my love forever and always, Mummy xxx

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Sunday 20 September 2015

My post pregnancy identity crisis

Before I had Erin I used to shop and dress myself with relative ease, since having Erin I seem to have ended up buying a series of items that, having worn a couple of times, just don't feel right then disappear to the back of the wardrobe. I thought this was just a couple of unfortunate baby brain related purchases but after 20 months of this happening I’ve figured out a number of possible reasons...



1. Different body shape.

What I didn’t realise in the last few weeks of pregnancy and planning my baby weight lost/getting my body back action plan (while eating a tub of ice cream) was that it was more about my shape changing than the number on the scales. When Erin was about 6 months I felt something touching the top of my leg before realising it was my arse – 10 months of not cycling to work had taken its toll.

I've pretty much been straight up and down my whole life and had mastered how to dress that shape and knew what I liked and what looked good after 33 years practice, now things were different!

What I didn't factor into my baby weight loss plan was the fact that I would be caring for a new born baby at the time I had planned to loose said weight which meant I would need to energise myself with coffee, cake, chocolate and biscuits at regular intervals in order to get through the day.  Now 20 months on and a triathlon down I still would like to loose about half a stone, I know who doesn’t, with or without a baby.

Fuel

2. Old age.

For me the post baby clothing struggle has coincided with edging towards middle age. I feel older and at a different stage in my life now.  Where should I be shopping at 35?  Top Shop and Primark still? I think the high street presumes by 35 I should be able to afford to shop at Cos and Boden but I have less money now than I did when I was 25.

Part of the problem could be I'm still choosing the style of clothes I've always gone for but sometimes I feel I look like an older person trying to dress younger (cringe). Also because of my age I can't get away with certain looks any more, for example, instead of granny chic mid length skirts with brogues looking cool on me I just look like a granny.

3. Less money/less time

As well as less money, I have much less time to dedicate to shopping, less time to read fashion mags, less time going out seeing what others are wearing. Less time to even think about coordinating an outfit. With a baby the morning routine consisted of picking some jeans off the floor scrapping some kind of dried baby related substance off them, choosing from 2 tops that I could breast feed in, tying hair back before leaving the house. Sometimes I would catch a glimpse of myself in a toilet or baby change room later that day and think - holly crap I should of put some mascara on.

4. I need to feel good about my body again.

Since having Erin my self esteem took a bit of a nose dive, regularly thinking god I look fat/tired/old. I needed to start feeling good about my  body after the pummelling of pregnancy, labour and caring for a new born. Feeling tired and run down doesn't make you feel good and was reflected in myself esteem. Nothing is going to look good if I wasn't feeling good. I am clawing that back, getting my fitness back doing the triathlon really helped me feel good but I still struggle to dress myself at times!

Any volunteer personnel shoppers out there please get in touch!
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Saturday 5 September 2015

Turning into our parents

This happens gradually and sometimes unknowingly, but for me the process was accelerated by having my daughter. I knew this was happening to me when:
  • The high point of any day was going out for coffee and cake.
  • I had to turn the radio off when I parked the car, there was heavy rain or it was busy on the motorway.
  • I struggled to keep up with technology, for example, I had accidentally turned on the torch on my i phone and had it on for 2 hours before the doctor at my appointment later that morning told me how to turn it off.
  • I forgot the name of the Foo Fighters and referred to them as David Grohl’s band. 
  • I started buying pot plants.
  • I enjoyed watching the Antiques Road Show.
  • Occasionally, it may take me 5-10 minutes to remember how old I am.
My parents - out for coffee and cake

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Wednesday 26 August 2015

My top 5 parenting fails - the first year

  1. Not discovering lanolin until day 6 of breast feeding
  2. Brushing some toast crumbs out of the folds in Erin's neck (I hadn’t eaten toast for 3 days)
  3. Removing a dirty nappy only to realise there are no clean ones left. Would you A.) put dirty one back on (it was a pooh) and head for the shop  B.) wrap baby in cotton wool, towel, cling film and head for the shop. I choose B.
  4. Erin walking out of a friends kitchen eating a handful of cat food.
  5. Not sending thank you cards for Erin’s first birthday gifts (I had no idea this was the done thing, I had obviously thanked everyone verbally)

What were yours?

Erin eatting soil at 7 months, more of a learning experience than a parenting fail

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Monday 24 August 2015

BC (before child) / AC (after child)

Things I used to day dream about BC:
  • Jake Gyllenhal
  • travelling the world
  • new shoes
  • various exciting career paths
  • starting my own business 
  • playing drums in a band
  • winning the lottery
Things I now day dream about AC:
  • getting a dishwasher (wouldn’t that be amazing!) 
  • getting a cleaner (wouldn’t that be amazing!)
  • having a nanny (wouldn’t that be amazing!) 
  • waking up at 10am
  • spa days
  • having a personal shopper
  • winning the lottery
How do your BC/AC day dreams differ?

6 times in 1 day! That is my washing up record since having Erin and being around the house much more - resulting in my dishwasher day dreams!


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Wednesday 12 August 2015

I just did a Triathlon! Yes a Triathlon!

Two days ago I did a triathlon – yes a triathlon! Instead of embarking on the usual health kick on returning from a cake fuelled, over indulgent week in The Lake District I signed up to take part in a triathlon – WHAT?! That was 7 weeks ago. OK, ok its not so bad, I’m a good ish swimmer and cycle to work 10km there and 10km back 3 times a week so I wasn't starting from scratch so to speak.  I however couldn’t run to the post box at the end of the road when I started. The run luckily was the last bit and only 2.5km, which my partner told me was easy and after doing some regular runs I  felt  more confident. What I was most scared of was the race factor, I hadn't  heard the words ‘’on your marks - get set – GO!’’  since school sports day.

On your marks!

Why oh why I hear you say. Well, first I needed motivation; without any holidays planned I needed a date in the future that would make me go out and run, swim, cycle regularly to get in shape. Secondly, if I was to have a second child next year it would be great to be as fit as I was the first time round so, fingers crossed, my pregnancy would be as easy. As I swim and cycle regularly I thought a triathlon would be the way to go. To add extra motivation to proceedings I set up a sponsorship page to raise some money for the MS society, which would make sure I didn't chicken out on the day, and after setting a target of £250 I raised £450!!

Get set!


Once signed up I realised there really was a lot more too worry about than just being fit enough. What if I get a flat tyre? How competitive is it – will I get cut up on my bike and elbowed out the way during the run? Will people be pulling at my ankles during the swim? (surely not) Which way do I go? What if I get lost! How do I get changed after the swim? Do I need one of those towels with elastic around the neck that you changed under as a kid on the beach? I’m going to need equipment -  a special flexible wetsuit, special googles, maybe a water bottle that clips to my bike. And a race belt – what is a race belt?

On receiving my race pack I realised there was a lot to remember on the day too – wrist tag, timing chip, transition zones, different entries and exits for each section. I have to have my number on my back for the ride and my front for the run – I hoped focusing on remembering everything would distract me from the pain. Stay on the left during the ride – be aware of people over taking on the right – sounds dangerous! Energy gels!? Wouldn't a snickers or some Kendal mint cake do! Do I really need to eat mid race? Wouldn't I get a stitch?

It’s been a steep learning curve and I’ve actually quite enjoyed training for it. Last week in a last minute panic I brought a tri-suit which is like a swimming costume with longer legs like cycle shorts attached. You wear this under your wetsuit and then when you take the wetsuit off you are ready to jump on the bike. The main draw for me was they are designed to be quick drying as I didn't like the idea of riding and then running around in soggy shorts and top (and bra and pants!) but it is quite light weight and a bit like donnings some trainers when in a swimming costume and going for a run in it – a bit naked and indecent! I wasn’t sure I wanted to subject anyone to that vision but once I got there most people were in them so I braved it! Training for the triathlon wasn’t really the weight loss plan I was hoping for as I was eating like a horse to get through it but perhaps now I'm made of solid muscle which weighs more than fat I heard :)

Go!


It was hard graft on the day, I’d done all the separate bits but not together and I had never practised transitioning from one section to the next. It was also 27 degrees plus having had diarrhoea 5 days before made me dehydrate quickly on the day. In the end I did it in 1 hr 2 minutes 39 seconds and came 45th out of the 235 women entered which I was really happy with! I'm really glad I done it and might even sign up again next year! Now I will reward myself with a week of sitting on the sofa eating ice cream.

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Sunday 2 August 2015

An only child?

(Follows on from 'Number 2?')

So potentially I could have an only child. This is considered, by some, as child abuse. Should I have another child even though it could reck and ravage my elderly frame with absolutely no ‘bounce’ back left and the hightened risks to the baby of conditions such as downs syndrome.  Then there's the practicalities like, we only have two bedrooms, a small house, not a lot of money left after the mortgage, bills and now nursery fees are paid. Is this all irrelevant in comparison to the need of Erin to have  a sibling? Would I be selfish not to provide this for her?

What if they just fight all the time and then don't get on as adults? I know a few only children who have really close relationships with their parents. Would I be hindering forging a close relationship with my daughter by spreading myself too thin by caring for two? I'm enjoying her so much at this wonderful age. We are really happy would having another jeopodise this?



Not forgetting I really don't know how people do it! I still stare at people with 2 plus children in wonderment. If they have 3 plus my jaw drops open and I stop in my tracks - are their kids easier to deal with? Do they not need as much sleep as me? Are they the nanny? Am I just not a natural at this?

My sister has two children and I watch them playing together and it is so nice for them and with two would selfishly mean less work for me in regards to playing! But my nephews also fight a lot and wind each other up which is a lot of work too. I had a flash the other day of Erin standing at the top of the stairs on Christmas day, aged 10, on her own looking so sad which made my chest ache.

Am I being totally self indulgent with this dilemma, maybe I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again? I’m 35 my fertility is probably in a speedy decline.

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Friday 31 July 2015

Number 2?

A couple of months after my daughter was born I turned 34, amidst the new-born chaos I would regularly think about having another child, not because I wanted to or that it was even an imaginable reality but, due to my age, I thought if I wanted more children I should really get a rig-along! I considered 33 an excellent age for a baby; I hadn’t given any consideration to the second until after the first had arrived. Now my daughter is 18 months old and the thought of being pregnant and starting the whole process again does not appeal! But this is the perfect time, right? 

I have been back at work since January, 3 days a week which has been a fantastic break and so nice to be back in the working world. In May I went away with a friend to Ibiza for 3 days to an all-inclusive and Erin and her Dad were totally fine without me and I had an amazing and relaxing time which made me realise that I can be free again (occasionally) - amazing! The thought of starting the pregnancy/new born 2 year roller coaster now does not appeal and even feels like a bit of a sentence. 

Relaxing in Ibiza

Towards the end of my 14 months of maternity leave (too long for me in hindsight) in the thick of winter, the mundane solitude coupled the daily highs and lows of rearing a small, highly energised and passionate child were, quite frankly, very depressing. Being back at work had made the time spent with my daughter so much better and more valued and a fantastic rest from the napping, washing up, laundry, tidying, feeding cycle. Also it has only really been a few months since things have got much easier as the new-born chaos subsided with more and more highs and less and less lows.  Me and my partner have been able to spend more time out socialising and on fitness and get some things back for ourselves to enjoy. I couldn't imagine doing it all over again now.

When my daughter turned one I decided to stop thinking about it, as in my mind it would be something I felt I had to do but didn’t want to. I realised that, other than the self-inflicted age pressure, I had just always presumed, like most people that I would have two children one day, but of course it wasn’t a legal requirement. I had also presumed when a teenager that I would be super successful, have a big house and loads of money with said two kids before I reached the ancient mile stone of 28 and after all that never worked out. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t written it off, I have decided I will review this situation between Erin turning two in December and me turning 36 in February. And in the back of my mind is if it’s not next year it will be never.

Just the two of us
Read more on this in 'An only child?'

                                     
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Wednesday 29 July 2015

Baby Brain

Baby brain didn’t really kick in for me until about a year after I had my daughter. I had become quite distracted by my impending return to work. Within a 3 week period I had dinged the car twice (after driving for 18 years without a scratch and 10 of those in London). It was, of course, not my fault. The first was the fault of a floor to ceiling cement pillar in a basement shopping centre car park, the second was the fault of a stationary vehicle waiting to pull out of a junction – get out of my way goodammit. During this period I had also spent 24 hours looking for my door keys which were usually, if not on the kitchen bench, hanging in the front door when I eventually found them in a rubbish bag in the wheely bin out the front of the house.

Also during this 3 week period I had emptied the contents of the bathroom bin into the washing basket, poured grapefruit juice onto my cereal and moisturised my legs with shampoo (it really doesn’t absorb well). I was becoming a hazard to myself and possibly society when behind the wheel of a car. It was quite scary and did knock my confidence a little as it felt like I was loosing control.

The early signs of baby brain
Luckily my brain seemed to still function as bc (before child) when I returned to work and perhaps my return also haulted the crumbling decay of my brain cells as, thankfully, I regained control and was far less distracted all the time. Is this inevitable brain decay when looking after small children or just coincidental that it is coinciding with the aging process? Before I know it I’ll be calling my partner 3 different names of various family members including the cat before getting his right.

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A big baby

Erin weighed in at 9lbs 9 ozs, unlike some women I knew who got sent on growth scans whilst pregnant as they seemed to be measuring on the large side, I – thankfully - had no idea until she arrived. Knowing she was a whopper (out of 100 babies only 2 would be born bigger) pre birth would have more than added a little to the apprehension of labour. Amazingly thanks to 8 weeks of perineal massage and an amazing mid wife I had no stitches! I consider this one of the biggest achievements of my life.  I thought this was all I needed to worry about and if I got away with no stitches I would be jogging out of the hospital with a yoga mat under my arm.

Despite reading a lot around pregnancy and birth and doing an NCT course (stop reading now if you are pregnant with your first child) I had no idea of the enormity of labour and its array of after effects. As well as feeling like I'd be repeatedly punched in the fanny, my pelvic floor had also had a pummelling.  I only had to think 'oh yes I need the toilet' the day after and I weed myself. Luckily I was wearing a massive maternity pad for the continuous bleeding six weeks after birth - luckily. Even now 18 months on I wouldnt be 100% confident doing a star jump.

5 days over due (3 days before Erin was born)
Isn’t the second baby usually bigger than the first? I didn’t touch caffeine during my pregnancy as I read it can lead to a low birth weight, maybe if I drink it if I become pregnant again I would have a more average sized baby? Or perhaps a planned c-section would be wise. Any advice from a fellow giant baby maker gratefully received!







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