Oh so tired

Tiredness is not taken seriously enough. It’s such a debilitating, all consuming feeling. People fling the word ‘tired’ round willy nilly and its hard to compare who is the tiredest with someone else who says their tired, although I know for sure if someone in their 20’s who doesn’t have kids says their really tired, that they are not as tired as me. 

Last week I was soooo tired, yet again, I started thinking that there must be something physically wrong with me. Then I remembered a similar thing happening with my daughter at around the 6-9 month mark. I actually went and had a series of blood tests to see if it was my iron levels or thyroid or some underlying issue. When they all came back clear, the doctor told me that it could be that I was looking after a baby. I wasn’t convinced.

There really should be a recognised scale or term used for extreme child induced tiredness in order to give it the respect it deserves. I need this to gain the understanding, sympathy and possible help (in the form of hot drink providing) that I need.

The child free person at work after a later night than usual saying they are tired is probably on a 3 where as a mum with a newborn baby could be an 8. Although your scale for tiredness is only really comparative against your own experience/life circumstances. This doesn’t make the young person after a series of nights out statements of tiredness any less annoying. This person actually believes that they are really tired! (hysterical laughter).

In response to me telling a young, free and single colleague that I felt a bit sick from feeling over tired, she told me that she felt tired as well but from having had too much sleep.  (hysterical laughter). Initially I starred at her blankly trying to absorb this information before wondering why on earth she would have told me that! Another, when I said I was a little tired, asked ‘what time did you wake up?’ reminding me of how I used to rate my tiredness on such a short term influences. What time I woke up nowadays seemed totally irrelevant as it was 4 years of life that was making me tired. Perhaps the battle to leave the house, debating and negotiating imaginatively in order to simply get the toddler to put her shoes and coat on to leave before the baby started crying, one of many tiny daily battles that wear me right out. 

I think when you reach an 8/9 on the tiredness scale you actually have PSCIT (Pre-school-children-induced-tiredness). People would really feel for you when you say you have PSCIT, doctor’s would be able to diagnose this and you could even call in sick to work with PSCIT where by your boss would say - "poor you, rest up and don’t rush back". You could shut the annoying youths down with this. “I’m so tired”  -  "Well, I have PSCIT". You could explain away irrational behaviour with this, ''I'm so sorry, I have PSCIT'' and people would nod sympathetically, ''Oooo no poor you''. 


A bit of a letter to tiredness…

Shrouded with a heavy weight I cannot forget you, you are weighing me down during every move I make as I start my day, I cannot shake you off, you cloud my every thought and make everything harder and less enjoyable. You are a total bastard.

Sometimes you make me feel like I am not able to string a sentence together, let alone gather my thoughts enough to make decisions or arrangements.

You make me lose perspective, making mole hills into mountains. The dangerous thing is I do not realise this at the time, I am not aware that my reaction to something is because I actually am just dog tired and that tomorrow I may not feel the same way.

Coffee can barely make a dent in you, but perhaps temporarily take the edge off. Sometimes overdoing the caffeine can feel horrendous and add to the pain with inducing a feeling of panic in the form of rapid heart rate and nausea.

With heavy legs I go about my day. Planning when I could squeeze in 20 winks so you may ease just a little. Then the opportunity is finally here - nap time. Time to shake you off. Sometimes the pressure is just too much and my mind darts around like crazy not letting me drift off or just as I do there is a little cry jolting me back up to the surface. If I get a few winks I feel like I’m winning.

The afternoon shift has arrived, with a few short hours of activity time before 5pm - also known as - the beginning of the end. From here on now its all down hill till 7pm when the kids go to bed. The second the kids have gone to bed and I feel you ease a little - how typical - a second wind at this stage of the game. This usually scuppers my early night that has been at the back of my mind all day so you aren’t as bad tomorrow. 

Blissful loafing and leisure time then, night night tiredness, see you soon.


Read more:

Returning to work after maternity leave
Managing my post baby holiday expectations
My post pregnancy identity crisis
My top newborn tips
A big baby

Tips for visiting your new parent friends

When I think back to when I visited my friends to meet their new born babies before I had my own children I feel pretty bad, I remember sitting opposite a friend juggling her crying baby and didn’t even offer to hold him once I’d finished my food so she could finish hers! I know she probably didn’t expect me too or hold it against me, I had never held a baby before and was quite daunted by the prospect and in all honesty it didn’t even cross my mind to offer. Now with a 3 year old and a 6 month old baby myself I’ve written a list of tips that would have been very handy for me in those days.

Somethings may seem small (or obvious to some!) but for me it becomes all about savouring the little things in life for yourself when you are on maternity leave as full time carer of another being - 24/7. A slice of cake, a shower, silence, a nap - things that previously went unnoticed, before you had a baby, back in the days when all your free time outside of work was indulgent self fulfilling leisure time.

1. Offer to hold the baby. Having a baby is all consuming, they are with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Shoulders hurt, arms ache, its intense. Even just a few minutes of not holding the baby is great. During out of the house meet ups for coffees or lunch this is really great, as its quite hard to juggle a wriggling baby on your knee while eating or feeding them, while trying to eat yourself and hold a conversation.

If its possible and the mood takes you, you could even take the baby for a little walk if they are restless, to have a look around and give your friend a couple of child free minutes.

2. Push the buggy. This is something your friend does A LOT, so if circumstances allow offer to push the buggy so they can just walk along loose and free - a strange but wonderful sensation.

3. Ask about the baby and/or comment on the baby. Maybe you have never been around babies or just sink back into talking about what you used to with your friend, but your friends whole life is currently centered around their new arrival so ask about it - say how lovely the baby is, even if like most they look like a little old man.

4. Don’t cancel. Your friend has been looking forward to this a lot - a chance of a civilised meeting - a change from the mundanity and solidarity of days at home with a baby.

5. Don’t be late - your friend may have selected a nap time for your lunch date so she can, well, eat her lunch and talk to you while the baby sleeps. Or the baby may get agitated if your sitting still for too long. You being late may mess up this much look forwarded to lunch date!

6. Bring food. If your going to your friends house to see the baby for lunch time - bring lunch! Don’t expect them to cook you a meal. If going over for coffee and cake - bring the cake, bring the coffee - you get the picture! Most people bring a present for the baby, but a little present for the older child is really lovely as they have seen the new baby get a lot of attention. What was also lovely was when a friend of mine got me hand cream too.

7. Don’t over stay your welcome! This is obviously dependent on your friendship status but I would say a first visit at someones home with a new born shouldn’t be more than 2 hours! Your exhausted and grappling with a lot of massive changes, hosting can be very draining! 

It would be great to hear any tips you have to add?