Hurrah! We are very happy to have a new (and final) addition to our little family on the way.
How I feel about pregnancy, labour and caring for a baby this time round is very different from the first, mostly to do with then - I knew nothing, and now - I know too much.
Alongside feeling very lucky and excited I am mostly shitting my pants with two thoughts dominating - can I do this again? how am I going to cope with two?
Ignorance is bliss - this saying aptly surmises my first pregnancy and my knowledge of what labour and looking after a baby would entail. Now thinking about baby number two I know a lot more - how much can go wrong, how hard work it is, how you worry, how tired you can be. Sometimes I’m not sure I would be able to do it without something having to give and the likelihood of that something being me. That it would tip me over the edge of an ever increasing anxious disposition, into a downward spiral of depression.
Maybe I’ve over thought it. Maybe having two wouldn’t be so different than having one. Maybe the first time it turned my life upside down, but the second time round it won't change as much as before as i’m already in the parenting world. The thought of a lonely, long maternity leave ahead worries me a bit. Unfortunately this one will again, start in the thick of winter. Where as I looked forward to my first maternity leave with similar excitement that I had for annual leave this time I know far better and worry for my sanity. I have a plan of attack - I need to occupy my brain more with music, radio, podcasts and reading as often as possibly. Not to be whole consumed by all things baby and try to utilise the creche at the local pool and gym for the odd 45 minutes of down time on Erin's nursery days. I think I got stuck in a rut last time of just lying staring at either Erin or the TV bleary eyed and I was probably in shock for a while too, without realising it.
Things we did first time round that highlights our nativity:
How I feel about pregnancy, labour and caring for a baby this time round is very different from the first, mostly to do with then - I knew nothing, and now - I know too much.
Alongside feeling very lucky and excited I am mostly shitting my pants with two thoughts dominating - can I do this again? how am I going to cope with two?
Ignorance is bliss - this saying aptly surmises my first pregnancy and my knowledge of what labour and looking after a baby would entail. Now thinking about baby number two I know a lot more - how much can go wrong, how hard work it is, how you worry, how tired you can be. Sometimes I’m not sure I would be able to do it without something having to give and the likelihood of that something being me. That it would tip me over the edge of an ever increasing anxious disposition, into a downward spiral of depression.
Maybe I’ve over thought it. Maybe having two wouldn’t be so different than having one. Maybe the first time it turned my life upside down, but the second time round it won't change as much as before as i’m already in the parenting world. The thought of a lonely, long maternity leave ahead worries me a bit. Unfortunately this one will again, start in the thick of winter. Where as I looked forward to my first maternity leave with similar excitement that I had for annual leave this time I know far better and worry for my sanity. I have a plan of attack - I need to occupy my brain more with music, radio, podcasts and reading as often as possibly. Not to be whole consumed by all things baby and try to utilise the creche at the local pool and gym for the odd 45 minutes of down time on Erin's nursery days. I think I got stuck in a rut last time of just lying staring at either Erin or the TV bleary eyed and I was probably in shock for a while too, without realising it.
Things we did first time round that highlights our nativity:
- Put 4 hours on the car when first arriving at the hospital in labour. Left three days later.
- I thought labour couldn’t possibly be as painful as people talked about and wasn’t remotely worried.
- When a baby was crying on public transport I used to wonder why their carer just simply didn’t make it stop - tut, tut (in my head).
What I will try and do differently this time round:
- Try and relax during contractions and actually think about the golden light and wave I’d been listening to on the hypnobirthing cd every day for weeks.
- Enjoy the amount of flexibility I had during the first 4/5 months, compared to now on Erin's nursery days. Even though I'll, no doubt, be very tired. It felt so hard last time, but looking back it was easier than dealing with a toddler!
- Try to do some of the things that I like doing, with baby of course, make the most of what London has to offer, rather than pacing the local streets on nap inducing walks staring at cherries on cherry trees like a crazy person on drugs (I had never actually seen cherries growing on trees before but I think just how much it blue me away highlights the fact that I needed to get out and about more on a couple of not wholly baby focused activities).
