A couple of months after my daughter was born I turned 34, amidst the new-born chaos I would regularly think about having another child, not because I wanted to or that it was even an imaginable reality but, due to my age, I thought if I wanted more children I should really get a rig-along! I considered 33 an excellent age for a baby; I hadn’t given any consideration to the second until after the first had arrived. Now my daughter is 18 months old and the thought of being pregnant and starting the whole process again does not appeal! But this is the perfect time, right?
I have been back at work since January, 3 days a week which has been a fantastic break and so nice to be back in the working world. In May I went away with a friend to Ibiza for 3 days to an all-inclusive and Erin and her Dad were totally fine without me and I had an amazing and relaxing time which made me realise that I can be free again (occasionally) - amazing! The thought of starting the pregnancy/new born 2 year roller coaster now does not appeal and even feels like a bit of a sentence.
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| Relaxing in Ibiza |
Towards the end of my 14 months of maternity leave (too long for me in hindsight) in the thick of winter, the mundane solitude coupled the daily highs and lows of rearing a small, highly energised and passionate child were, quite frankly, very depressing. Being back at work had made the time spent with my daughter so much better and more valued and a fantastic rest from the napping, washing up, laundry, tidying, feeding cycle. Also it has only really been a few months since things have got much easier as the new-born chaos subsided with more and more highs and less and less lows. Me and my partner have been able to spend more time out socialising and on fitness and get some things back for ourselves to enjoy. I couldn't imagine doing it all over again now.
When my daughter turned one I decided to stop thinking about it, as in my mind it would be something I felt I had to do but didn’t want to. I realised that, other than the self-inflicted age pressure, I had just always presumed, like most people that I would have two children one day, but of course it wasn’t a legal requirement. I had also presumed when a teenager that I would be super successful, have a big house and loads of money with said two kids before I reached the ancient mile stone of 28 and after all that never worked out. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t written it off, I have decided I will review this situation between Erin turning two in December and me turning 36 in February. And in the back of my mind is if it’s not next year it will be never.
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| Just the two of us |
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