Tips for visiting your new parent friends

When I think back to when I visited my friends to meet their new born babies before I had my own children I feel pretty bad, I remember sitting opposite a friend juggling her crying baby and didn’t even offer to hold him once I’d finished my food so she could finish hers! I know she probably didn’t expect me too or hold it against me, I had never held a baby before and was quite daunted by the prospect and in all honesty it didn’t even cross my mind to offer. Now with a 3 year old and a 6 month old baby myself I’ve written a list of tips that would have been very handy for me in those days.

Somethings may seem small (or obvious to some!) but for me it becomes all about savouring the little things in life for yourself when you are on maternity leave as full time carer of another being - 24/7. A slice of cake, a shower, silence, a nap - things that previously went unnoticed, before you had a baby, back in the days when all your free time outside of work was indulgent self fulfilling leisure time.

1. Offer to hold the baby. Having a baby is all consuming, they are with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Shoulders hurt, arms ache, its intense. Even just a few minutes of not holding the baby is great. During out of the house meet ups for coffees or lunch this is really great, as its quite hard to juggle a wriggling baby on your knee while eating or feeding them, while trying to eat yourself and hold a conversation.

If its possible and the mood takes you, you could even take the baby for a little walk if they are restless, to have a look around and give your friend a couple of child free minutes.

2. Push the buggy. This is something your friend does A LOT, so if circumstances allow offer to push the buggy so they can just walk along loose and free - a strange but wonderful sensation.

3. Ask about the baby and/or comment on the baby. Maybe you have never been around babies or just sink back into talking about what you used to with your friend, but your friends whole life is currently centered around their new arrival so ask about it - say how lovely the baby is, even if like most they look like a little old man.

4. Don’t cancel. Your friend has been looking forward to this a lot - a chance of a civilised meeting - a change from the mundanity and solidarity of days at home with a baby.

5. Don’t be late - your friend may have selected a nap time for your lunch date so she can, well, eat her lunch and talk to you while the baby sleeps. Or the baby may get agitated if your sitting still for too long. You being late may mess up this much look forwarded to lunch date!

6. Bring food. If your going to your friends house to see the baby for lunch time - bring lunch! Don’t expect them to cook you a meal. If going over for coffee and cake - bring the cake, bring the coffee - you get the picture! Most people bring a present for the baby, but a little present for the older child is really lovely as they have seen the new baby get a lot of attention. What was also lovely was when a friend of mine got me hand cream too.

7. Don’t over stay your welcome! This is obviously dependent on your friendship status but I would say a first visit at someones home with a new born shouldn’t be more than 2 hours! Your exhausted and grappling with a lot of massive changes, hosting can be very draining! 

It would be great to hear any tips you have to add?