Thursday 26 November 2015

A few of my favourite things

I have to remind myself sometimes of how lucky I am, have a little chat with myself when I’m down in the dumps for no good reason (although possibly induced by tiredness, hormones or a dark, drizzly day).

I have a good job with nice colleagues, good friends, a good income, I'm in good health and have a loving family, some of these would more accurately be in the ‘great’ category - what more do you want Janet?

If I was working two jobs to make ends meet living in substandard accommodation independently supporting three kids I wouldn’t be stressing about these stupid little things, I would have far better things to worry about. It’s a luxury to stress out about the small stuff. So count your blessings Janet.

At these times instead of focusing on what brings me down I try to focus on what picks me up and to appreciate life’s simply pleasures. In the words of Maria Von Trapp -  I simply remember my favourite things and then I don't feel sooooo baaaAADDD! They include...

  • Watching people run for the bus – people suddenly sprinting along the road, juggling bags of shopping, cups of coffee, wearing inappropriate footwear, dodging their fellow pedestrians while frantically waving their arms around all add to the hilarity. The - will they - wont they -  make it element adds to the entertainment factor.  
  • A sunny, cold, early morning ride to work – the freedom of riding, the winter sun low in the sky reflected on the river, frost sparkling over Walthamstow Marshes before going through Hackney as people start opening up their shops ready for their days trade.
  • Making a meal using a new recipe and it turning out to be delicious.
  • Chatting with my neighbours and feeling part of a community. We moved into our house two months before Erin was born so I was soon off work and around a lot. When you see a lot of your neighbours regularly you quickly build up great relationships and it really makes it feel like home.
  • Coffee, coffee shops, the smell of coffee, a chat over a coffee. Ahhh coffee.

Maria after receiving a brown paper parcel tied up with string

  • The kindness of strangers, for example, someone letting you get on the bus/tube first in the usual ‘every man for himself’ hustle and bustle of London.
  • Watching the leaves burst in the spring and turn in the Autumn.
  • Laughing until I cry with friends, family or at shows like Trigger Happy. 
  • Chocolate cold from the fridge. Why does it taste so much better cold? Why does a cheese sandwich taste so much better with grated rather than sliced cheese? Why?

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Monday 9 November 2015

Expect the unexpected when expecting

I think it's impossible to convey to someone who hasn't had a baby the enormity of the reality that is having a baby! Everyone's advice to me fell on deaf ears and I can see in people's eyes who don't have children a similar blankness when I comment on some aspects of motherhood.

Some of the advice given to me when I was pregnant included…

“Go on as many holidays and evenings out as you can now” (Wide eyes).
What I thought: Life will not change that much we are still going to go out and have holidays for christ sake.

“Oh all will change once the baby arrives”.
What I thought: What, how? I know they feed through the night but that's the only thing to worry about right.

“Rest and sleep as much as you can now!”
What I thought: Really, its only a tiny baby, what on earth is he on about.

“Don't worry about labour, it will be ok, you will get through it”.
What I thought: I'm not worried, but you saying this is making me worry. Shut up!



Looking back I think I thought that when I was no longer pregnant life would go back to how it was before. I remember googling places that sold chocolate Martini’s in London as my birthday was two months after Erin was due, thinking I'd be out for a big night as I would no longer be pregnant.  I hadn't given much thought to how labour intensive breast feeding could be so we ended up going for a pub lunch around the corner for a couple of hours on my birthday and Erin slept the whole time – a massive gift!

I remember being really excited about a year off work, and if someone had told me by the end of it, I would be looking forward to go back to work and I would then consider these my rest days, I would have laughed in their face. I went off on maternity leave - bye everyone see you back at the gym/pub in a few weeks. I remember chatting to another new mum on maternity leave about our expectations and she said that she thought she’d be reading lots of books – how we laughed.

There are something's you will never understand until you have a baby no matter what people tell you or how much you have been around your nieces, nephews or friends children. Because of this I have tried to manage my responses and advice that I give to those expecting, such as….

DTB (Dad to be): ‘’You know, we are not going to be those parents that stress out about our baby sleeping and making everyone be quiet, if there is some noise in the house or some one knocks the door and wakes him up, that’s fine, no big deal’’.

Me (truthful response): ‘’haaaaa haaa HAAAAA, I used to think the same but you will become obsessed with sleep – his and yours – you will probably cry if someone wakes him up after you've been trying to get him to sleep all morning after a sleepless night. I can’t wait to remind you that you said this in a years time!’’

Me (what I actually said): “Good plan.”

MTB (mum to be): “I’m not all worried about labour, I mean I know it will be painful but people do it every day so it can’t be that bad.’’

Me (the truthful response): ‘’That is what I thought! I was totally relaxed but I should have been terrified because it hurt like f**k, but I got through it after 12 hours on gas and air so you’ll be fine, it's only one day of your life.”

Me: (what I actually said): ‘’Exactly, every day.”.

MTB: ‘’I think I’ll be quite relaxed as a mum, I don’t know why my sister gets so stressed with her two, I think its how you handle it.’’

Me (truthful response): ‘’I used to think exactly the same but the truth is you will be tested to your limits with a new born, you will question ever thing you do and feel love and worry like never before which coupled with tiredness may at times turn you into a neurotic mess but don’t worry you’ll get
through it and you’ll be great and it will be wonderful.”

Me (what I actually said): "Totally."
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