The 10 stages of tiredness

I really like my sleep, I know most people do. I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say, “I do not like my sleep, I prefer to sleep as little as possible.” I’m pretty sure I need around 9 hours a night to be firing on all cylinders - turbo charge. And at least 8 - 8.5 to be firing on 80% of cylinders. Christ knows how Margaret Thatcher did it is all I can say. Having Erin has introduced me to the several new stages on my tiredness spectrum. Here they are:

1. Fogginess, kind of like moving in slow motion through thick clouds. Being asleep yet with your eyes open and making breakfast.
2. Not being able to concentrate on anything for more than 3 seconds such as, walking away from cooking food to put washing out and totally forgetting about food until you can smell burning or asking someone a question and listening to them answer it having forgotten what you’d asked them.
3. Not being able to retain thoughts for more than 3 seconds, for example, walking into a room purposefully and having no idea why your there.
4. Irrational irritability with fellow pedestrians that just happen to be in your way, or someone that is hogging the swings at the park.
5. Edginess - jumping at noises that are a normal part of your daily life, like the kettle boiling, or the washing machine beeping when it finishes its cycle.
6. Crying at adverts, the news, soap operas.
7. Finding an alternative (negative) meaning for everything some one says.
8. Finding everything some one says incredible annoying.
9. Seeing things moving out the corners of your eyes that aren’t actually moving.
10. Crying but not knowing why.

6.30am flight to Minorca. Around stage 5.

Inspired by Hurrahforgin's post - Seven Stages of Sleep Deprivation. 

What no one tells you - Part One: Worry

I wasn’t much of a worrier before I had Erin then after a pretty laid back first few months of Erin’s life the worry gradually crept in.

My boyfriend and I had muddled through together during his paternity leave but once he returned to work I had slowly become number one decision maker and carer of this tiny person the majority of the time. Having debates in my head on a daily basis about whether I was making the right decisions and worrying that I had not usually over seemingly small things - socks or no socks? long sleeves or short sleeves? and that was before I had even started getting Erin dressed. Am I doing all the things I should be doing with her for her age? If I don’t sign her up for this music and movement class will I permanent stunt her developmental growth!? Should I leave now, but if she falls asleep in the buggy its too early for her nap and it will screw up the whole day and nights sleep but if I don’t leave now I’ll be late!?

When she was a few months old we arranged for a family member to baby sit for us one Saturday afternoon so we could go for a meal and to the theatre in town. I excitedly expressed all week in preparation. As we walked to the tube it felt slightly wrong and I didn’t really feel excited anymore, just worried. We had a nice dinner at Bodean’s restaurant and then a couple of drinks at a bar in soho, this is when we should have probably gone home but we had theatre tickets booked. I sat watching the show, feeling my boobs throbbing just counting down the minutes until it had finished. I considered asking my boyfriend if we could go but I didn’t want to ruin the afternoon.

The worrying for me has definitely got less consuming as she has got older. And many successful nights out and even an Erin free (and worry free) holiday followed. There have also been phases or worry which have past as Erin has grown such as - is she eating too much? the right things? what if she chokes! during the weaning phase but my two main reoccurring worries that have remained fairly consistent since she was born are:

1. The - is she too hot or is she too cold - circle of worry

A constant worry whatever the weather. As winter set in last year I sat on the sofa in the evening, turned to my boyfriend and asked ‘“should I put a blanket on Erin, do you think she might be cold?” He replied: ‘’Nooo, she’s fine” turning back to the tv and obviously not giving it any more thought. After a minute or two more thought on my part - She has a fleece pyjama top on, but thinner pyjama bottoms and a grow bag, so her feet may be a little chilly - I went up stairs, sneaked into the room and put a blanket over her lower half. Yes thats better. Return to sofa. Think to myself - but what if she gets too hot with the blanket over her? - return to bed room to remove blanket. Return to sofa. Keeping thinking about it - actually it is very chilly tonight I don’t want her to get cold feet. Go back upstairs to return blanket. Return to sofa. Think Umm the heating control thingy that is set to keep the temperature at 18.5 degrees is on the top of the chest of drawers on the opposite side of her room, her cot is also quite low, so it will be colder there - return to room to put heating controller under her cot on the floor. Return to sofa. Think - What if the heating control gives out carcinogenic signals similar to mobile phones - its right under Erin’s head! Return to room to return heating control to top of chest of drawers. Return to sofa.

2. The - getting them to sleep/please don’t wake up/should I wake them up now - roller coaster of napping:

Erin was was a pretty good sleeper when she was born, as far as babies go, gradually building up her sleep per night and not needing as many feeds as the first 4 months past. The ‘week by week’ book I had brought on bringing Erin home from the hospital revealed in manageable weekly chunks that she was on track without me doing anything at all. Then the 4 month sleep regression hit, and by 6 months old when ever she was placed in her cot at bedtime already asleep she would wake up so we were forced into sleep training her. This involved me pacing the garden so as not to listen to the crying while my boyfriend checked on her - coming to tell me when she was asleep and it was safe to re-enter the house. This process worked really well for us and had the added bonus of when Erin got to sleep on her own would sleep for much longer too.

Nap time

I decided this was also the time to get into a nap routine. The napping schedule was a daily roller coaster of firstly getting her to sleep at the right time, and once asleep keeping an eye on the time (come on you can get at least an hour), please postman, bin men don’t come now, why is that man sawing in his back garden now the selfish bastard! Then, christ its been an hour and a half, should I wake her up? One nap a day since she was one was much more manageable and consistent and I have got used to our days revolving around this time which is an enjoyable break for both of us! Please never end…

Even if someone had told me about the worrying you do when you have children, I don’t think I would have really got it until I’d lived it.

Read some of my favourite posts... 

Read a letter I wrote to my daughter
Managing my post baby holiday expectations
Expect the unexpected when expecting
On my experience of Baby Brain
Having a big baby
My top 5 parenting fails during the first year
What I used to fantasise about before I had a baby compared to what I fantasise about now
How I'm turning into my parents
My post pregnancy identity crisis

My top newborn tips

• If you run out of breast pads, a cut up sanitary pad works just as well until you can get to the shop.

• Do NOT let your baby fall asleep on you after feeding before checking the remote is in arms reach - you could be stuck watching Top Gear or Doctors.

• Slings seem such a great idea right? No one wants to become one of those annoying mums with a buggy who gets in the way at the shops and on the bus, but carrying a baby weighing over 10/11 lbs further than a couple of hundred metres from your house is quite hard work on the back and shoulders especially as your core may be shot to shit from labour. If you then hit the shops, you could have a baby on the front, nappy change bag on the back, a shopping back in each hand, then the baby cries and you have to get her out, shopping bags onto the floor, then it starts raining and you have to hold an umbrella! OK that’s a worse case scenario. Slings are no doubt handy at times, but if your like me you may not use it as much as you planned too or for as long as you thought. 

• Buy a raincoat with a substantial hood - its much easier steering a buggy with two rather than one hand if the other is tied up holding an umbrella.

• Having a globe night light in Erin's room enabled me to learn all the countries of the world during night feeds, utilise this time! This could be the perfect opportunity to learn another language like you always said you would – the cup is half full – yeah!

Erin learning the countries too

• Enjoy the first 4/5 months of still being able to do all the things you used to do, go for lunch, shopping, cinema, coffee shops, watch films and tv while your baby needs little entertainment. Soon your life will become a blur of singalongs, weaning, play dates and nap schedules.

• I downloaded a kindle app onto my i pad which was incredibly handy to read on while breast feeding, as you only need one hand – you will be doing this A LOT so at least you can read (check Facebook) at the same time.

Some of my favourite posts...

• Read a letter I wrote to my daughter
• Managing my post baby holiday expectations
• Expect the unexpected when expecting
• On my experience of Baby Brain
• Having another child
• Having a big baby 
• My top 5 parenting fails during the first year
• What I used to fantasise about before I had a baby compared to what I fantasise about now
• How I'm turning into my parents
• My post pregnancy identity crisis

A few of my favourite things

I have to remind myself sometimes of how lucky I am, have a little chat with myself when I’m down in the dumps for no good reason (although possibly induced by tiredness, hormones or a dark, drizzly day).

I have a good job with nice colleagues, good friends, a good income, I'm in good health and have a loving family, some of these would more accurately be in the ‘great’ category - what more do you want Janet?

If I was working two jobs to make ends meet living in substandard accommodation independently supporting three kids I wouldn’t be stressing about these stupid little things, I would have far better things to worry about. It’s a luxury to stress out about the small stuff. So count your blessings Janet.

At these times instead of focusing on what brings me down I try to focus on what picks me up and to appreciate life’s simply pleasures. In the words of Maria Von Trapp -  I simply remember my favourite things and then I don't feel sooooo baaaAADDD! They include...

• Watching people run for the bus – people suddenly sprinting along the road, juggling bags of shopping, cups of coffee, wearing inappropriate footwear, dodging their fellow pedestrians while frantically waving their arms around all add to the hilarity. The - will they - wont they -  make it element adds to the entertainment factor.  

• A sunny, cold, early morning ride to work – the freedom of riding, the winter sun low in the sky reflected on the river, frost sparkling over Walthamstow Marshes before going through Hackney as people start opening up their shops ready for their days trade.

• Making a meal using a new recipe and it turning out to be delicious.

• Chatting with my neighbours and feeling part of a community. We moved into our house two months before Erin was born so I was soon off work and around a lot. When you see a lot of your neighbours regularly you quickly build up great relationships and it really makes it feel like home.

• Coffee, coffee shops, the smell of coffee, a chat over a coffee. Ahhh coffee.

Maria after receiving a brown paper parcel tied up with string

• The kindness of strangers, for example, someone letting you get on the bus/tube first in the usual ‘every man for himself’ hustle and bustle of London.

• Watching the leaves burst in the spring and turn in the Autumn.

• Laughing until I cry with friends, family or at shows like Trigger Happy. 

• Chocolate cold from the fridge. Why does it taste so much better cold? Why does a cheese sandwich taste so much better with grated rather than sliced cheese? Why?

Read more...

• Read a letter I wrote to my daughter
• Managing my post baby holiday expectations
• Expect the unexpected when expecting
• On my experience of Baby Brain
• Having another child
• Having a big baby 
• My top 5 parenting fails during the first year
• What I used to fantasise about before I had a baby compared to what I fantasise about now
• How I'm turning into my parents
• When I trained for a triathlon!
• My post pregnancy identity crisis

Expect the unexpected when expecting

I think it's impossible to convey to someone who hasn't had a baby the enormity of the reality that is having a baby! Everyone's advice to me fell on deaf ears and I can see in people's eyes who don't have children a similar blankness when I comment on some aspects of motherhood.

Some of the advice given to me when I was pregnant included…

“Go on as many holidays and evenings out as you can now” (Wide eyes).
What I thought: Life will not change that much we are still going to go out and have holidays for christ sake.

“Oh all will change once the baby arrives”.
What I thought: What, how? I know they feed through the night but that's the only thing to worry about right.

“Rest and sleep as much as you can now!”
What I thought: Really, its only a tiny baby, what on earth is he on about.

“Don't worry about labour, it will be ok, you will get through it”.
What I thought: I'm not worried, but you saying this is making me worry. Shut up!

Looking back I think I thought that when I was no longer pregnant life would go back to how it was before. I remember googling places that sold chocolate Martini’s in London as my birthday was two months after Erin was due, thinking I'd be out for a big night as I would no longer be pregnant.  I hadn't given much thought to how labour intensive breast feeding could be so we ended up going for a pub lunch around the corner for a couple of hours on my birthday and Erin slept the whole time – a massive gift!

I remember being really excited about a year off work, and if someone had told me by the end of it, I would be looking forward to go back to work and I would then consider these my rest days, I would have laughed in their face. I went off on maternity leave - bye everyone see you back at the gym/pub in a few weeks. I remember chatting to another new mum on maternity leave about our expectations and she said that she thought she’d be reading lots of books – how we laughed.

There are something's you will never understand until you have a baby no matter what people tell you or how much you have been around your nieces, nephews or friends children. Because of this I have tried to manage my responses and advice that I give to those expecting, such as….

DTB (Dad to be): ‘’You know, we are not going to be those parents that stress out about our baby sleeping and making everyone be quiet, if there is some noise in the house or some one knocks the door and wakes him up, that’s fine, no big deal’’.

Me (truthful response): ‘’haaaaa haaa HAAAAA, I used to think the same but you will become obsessed with sleep – his and yours – you will probably cry if someone wakes him up after you've been trying to get him to sleep all morning after a sleepless night. I can’t wait to remind you that you said this in a years time!’’

Me (what I actually said): “Good plan.”

MTB (mum to be): “I’m not all worried about labour, I mean I know it will be painful but people do it every day so it can’t be that bad.’’

Me (the truthful response): ‘’That is what I thought! I was totally relaxed but I should have been terrified because it hurt like f**k, but I got through it after 12 hours on gas and air so you’ll be fine, it's only one day of your life.”

Me: (what I actually said): ‘’Exactly, every day.”.

MTB: ‘’I think I’ll be quite relaxed as a mum, I don’t know why my sister gets so stressed with her two, I think its how you handle it.’’

Me (truthful response): ‘’I used to think exactly the same but the truth is you will be tested to your limits with a new born, you will question ever thing you do and feel love and worry like never before which coupled with tiredness may at times turn you into a neurotic mess but don’t worry you’ll get
through it and you’ll be great and it will be wonderful.”

Me (what I actually said): "Totally."

Read more...

• Read a letter I wrote to my daughter
• On my experience of Baby Brain
• Having another child
• Having a big baby 
• My top 5 parenting fails
• What I used to fantasise about before I had a baby compared to what I fantasise about now
• How I'm turning into my parents
• When I trained for a triathlon!
• My post pregnancy identity crisis
• Managing my post baby holiday expectations

The Seven Deadly Things

Seven things I've let Erin hold/eat/play with rather than listen to the crying that would ensue if I took it off her are...

1. A cucumber stick under the table from yesterday's lunch
2. My credit cards and purse
3. My best makeup
4. My expensive face cream
5. A tampon
6. My nice bra and pants
7. The plug socket

Read more...

• On my experience of Baby Brain
• Having another child
• Having a big baby 
• My top 5 parenting fails
• What I used to fantasise about before I had a baby compared to what I fantasise about now
• Read a letter I wrote to my daughter
• How I'm turning into my parents
• When I trained for a triathlon!
• My post pregnancy identity crisis
• Managing my post baby holiday expectations

Managing my post baby holiday expectations

There is nothing you want more during the first few months of having a baby than a holiday. The thing is holidays after a baby no longer have the same meaning. Your mind is still in before child mode of I’m really tired, been so busy, stressed and run down that I need a holiday - you need a break from this  – you book a holiday – take a holiday – come home feeling rested or tired but happy – you feel that you have had a break. Now if you go on holiday you will be taking most of the routine you need a break from with you, you will still be feeding your baby through the day and night, they may not sleep as well in a new environment, you will have to deal with a baby on a plane or a long car journey and possibly baby jet lag. It's not all bad, you may be having a break from the winter, a break from washing up, the 4 walls of the living room and be spending some quality time with your partner plus you'll have an extra pair of hands to help with the baby, and if travelling with friends or family several pairs of helping hands.

Our first weekend away was to a kayaking regatta in Nottingham when Erin was 6 months old. Desperate for a change of scenery I prepared with excited anticipation. Erin's stuff took up two thirds of the boot.

Usually we would camp but we treated ourselves to a b&b so we had a room with an ensuite and a cot was provided. During the day we were at the river side with the kayaking club. The river was lined with speakers announcing the race results and blasting out music in between so I had to breast feed Erin and put her down for her naps in the boot of the car amidst the goings on and to provide some shelter from the wind. We couldn't go out for dinner with the group when racing had finished as we had to get Erin back to the b&b for bath and bed after which we sat in the back garden with a dominos pizza for an hour (possible the highlight of the weekend) before creeping into the room. Erin woke more than usual through the night and we had to try and sooth her cries under the extra pressure from knowing that we were keeping the other b&b guests awake. We woke the next morning bleary eyed before driving the 3 hours home. Needless to say it wasn't the break I'd hoped for.

The long haul to Australia

When Erin was 10 months old we took her to Australia to meet her Dads side of the family. Surprisingly the flights weren't too bad, as they were mostly over night so Erin slept for a lot of it in the sky cot provided and she wasn't walking so was relatively easy to contain and we took it in turns to entertain her enabling the other to have a break. What we hadn't predicted was how bad her jet lag would be with her waking in the early hours (1am/2am) and being awake for a few hours before going back to sleep for three nights in a row when we got there. On the return home it took 2 weeks to get her back into her routine. This trip was more of a holiday, the best thing was having my other half off work for a month to help. We even went out for 2 or 3 evenings but couldn't leave until Erin was asleep at around 7.30 and were usually home in bed by 9.30-10 as we were up at 5.30am with her as the sun rising and the birds going ballistic was her daily wake up call.

A  successful holiday when Erin was 18 months to the Lake District followed, the planets aligned for an easy train journey both there and back with Erin now having toddler status and being more interactive she loved running and playing outside in the amazing landscape and having a great time with her Grandma and Grandad. Juggling her between the 4 of us meant some down time too.

Enjoying the great outdoors in The Lake District

                                                     

With our confidence boosted and expectations of a holiday well and truly realigned we thought we'd book a week away during late summer this year, just the three of us. There seemed to be two types of holiday available, firstly holidays to sunny Europe - cheap and cheerful, to the Costas with aqua play areas that looked the stuff of pre child nightmares or wholesome, more expensive, middle class holidays to cottages in Norfolk, Cornwall or the South of France.

Our old holiday criteria check list…

• The more far flung the better
• Culture
• Off the beaten track
• Excitement
• Adventure

Our holiday search criteria now…

• Western standards - low chance of Erin getting food poisoning & medical care available in case of an emergency
• Not too hot – less chance of Erin getting sun stroke
• Not too exotic – less chance of Mosquitos therefore less chance of malaria
• Politically stable – low chance of us being caught up in an emergency situation
• Short flight and transfer time
• Pool
• Fully catered – no washing up or cooking for a week
• Sandy beach with calm waters
• Crèche facilities
• Children's activities
• Separate bedroom or apartment preferred so can still talk at normal volume once Erin is in bed
• Kitchenette and bath tub preferable

I liked the sound of a crèche or kids club but few seemed to cater for the under 2’s. And realistically it took Erin 5 months to settle into nursery so the chances of her settling into a new environment before the 7 day holiday was over were slim.

We ended up booking a week to Minorca to a 4 star all inclusive ‘child friendly' friendly hotel, staying in a one bedroom apartment with bathtub and kitchenette. There was a spa and a gym too! I packed my sports kit even though I knew I wouldn’t go.

Dawn in Minorca

On arrival the hotel proved to be the stuff of our pre-baby nightmares, children everywhere mostly of a similar age but now this was ideal! It was a lovely week spent taking in the simple pleasures of being together and outside, watching the waves, making sand castles, picking pebbles and shells off the beach and lots and lots of swimming. It was lovely for Erin to spend quality time with her dad away from the stresses and strains of the daily grind. I also enjoyed eating both cheese and chocolate at at the end of every meal and having either a beer or gin and tonic in my hand by 4pm everyday (OK 2pm).

Holidays are back! Just a little different.

Read more...

• On my experience of Baby Brain
• Having another child
• Having a big baby 
• My top 5 parenting fails
• What I used to fantasise about before I had a baby compared to what I fantasise about now
• Read a letter I wrote to my daughter
• How I'm turning into my parents
• When I trained for a triathlon!
• My post pregnancy identity crisis