The first week of being told I had gestational diabetes was spent in care free denial. This must be a mistake - only over weight, unfit people who had a bad diet got diabetes. I thought that I should probably request another test as I had a really bad cold at the time and was using a throat spray when I was supposed to be fasting, maybe it was that which had tipped the reading over into the gestational diabetes range. I was fit, healthy and eat well. Admittedly the treats had increased with the pregnancy, to roughly a chocolate bar or equivalent every other day. I was embarrassed to tell people about this diagnosis as I thought it would make them think I was really unhealthy. I had been sent on the test as my 20 week scan showed that the babies tummy circumference was measuring on the larger side, on the 94th percentile. This didn’t worry me too much as my daughter had been born on the 98th percentile and I hadn’t had gestational diabetes then - big babies were in the family.
The introduction to diabetes group chat at the hospital revealed that pregnancy hormones mean that the body needs 2-3 times more insulin to be able to process glucose in the blood, and if your body doesn’t produce enough too much glucose can remain which goes into the baby and can make them grow too big. You are more susceptible if you are overweight, are of certain ethnic origins, have previously had a big baby, or gestational diabetes before. As Erin was 9lb 9 ozs I thought maybe it was possible that I had it and that this was why. The first week using the blood test pricker thingy showed my blood was in healthy perimeters, I was testing the limits of this with larger portions of carbohydrates than recommended as there was still a niggling doubt in my mind that this may be a mistake. On Saturday night I treated myself to ice-cream and chocolate to see if that had an impact and got my first reading over the recommended highest value. Oh holly jesus I couldn’t eat any more ice cream!
I went to the hospital for my appointment with the diabetes doctor a week later and thought maybe my results would show that there was little to worry about. Over a shock filled 40 minute appointment I was told that the glucose readings would increase as my pregnancy progressed no matter what exercise I did or how I managed my diet and that the majority of women end up taking tablets or insulin injections before they reach the end of their pregnancy. That there is a risk of the baby being still born, so they induce all women with gestational diabetes at 38 weeks.That the gestational diabetes would go once I had given birth but by the time I was 60 I would be guaranteed to have it no matter how I lived my life. The babies insulin could drop really low once its born so would need monitoring and may have to go to the special care unit. The baby would then be at higher risk of getting diabetes when it was older. The only good thing that came out of the meeting was that I was told that alcohol had no bearing on diabetes, although that gem wasn’t much used to me while I was still pregnant.
According to the doctor it must be in the family as i had the gene and pregnancy puts so much pressure on your body that it gives you a glimpse of what you will experience later in life, such as diabetes. So it would seem that this was a lot more serious than I had previously thought. It was all quite shocking and upsetting made more frustrating that a lot of things were taken out of my control.
My antenatal book was suddenly full of appointments for regular growth scans, meetings with the diabetes team and the obstetrician. This pregnancy was a whole different ball game from my first, 3 years ago which I sailed through without so much as a cold followed by a natural birth with gas and air.
I had always thought if I had to be induced, I’d rather have a planned c section as i had heard a lot of labours being hideous after being induced and end up in an emergency c section anyway. I started to wish I’d never watched one born every minute when you see them stretching the women to get the baby out during a c-section. So many questions floated through my mind - would I be able to breast feed? be in hospital for ages? be able to look after the baby and Erin whilst I recovered?
My boyfriends attitude of ‘lets get on with it’ and ‘it is what it is’ made me want to punch him in the face. The day after the revolutionary doctors appointment he told me there was no point dwelling on it - the day after - I think at least a week to digest would be more reasonable.
I did seek comfort in chocolate and ice cream during pregnancy which I always found quite lonely - the offers of going out dry up and you are left on the sofa with just ben, jerry and cadbury’s to look forward to at the end of the day or mark the start of the weekend instead of a beer.
Pregnancy was supposed to be a time to freely enjoy more chocolate and ice cream guilt free and now I couldn’t. My dreams of what I would eat once the baby arrived floated through my mind during cravings. I would probably be the one of the first woman to put on more weight after pregnancy than during. This truly sucked. It wasn’t just about sweets, it was a lot amount limiting your carbs, fruit and general portion control.
It was strange adjusting what you had previously thought as as healthy on top of what you already couldn’t eat because you were pregnant such as certain cheeses, smoked salmon etc.
I sometimes felt like I’d involuntarily left normal life, sitting in a coffee shop watching people eat sandwiches and share pieces of cake freely. I would sometimes forget and put sugar in my coffee and not even realise till I’d drank it.
Snacks to replace chocolate with - nuts, yogurt, fruit but only 2/3 pieces a day and not more than a handful portion. I could have eat all these by 2pm along with my lunch and still be hungry, what else was there left to eat. When I had mentioned this to the doctor his exact words were - ‘hunger is good for diabetes’ (but perhaps not for a pregnant women?) The nice thing is I get a scan every 4 weeks which is lovely, the second scan revealed his tummy had slimmed now slightly. I’m over the shock now and just getting on with it, but I have to think about it everyday and try and remember to do 4 blood tests, while dreaming of the pizza and beer I’m going to consume once the baby arrives.
On the whole sympathy is thin on the ground, and you just have to suck it up and get on with it. I know there are worst things that could happen but obviously a risk of a still born baby is not something to take lightly either. People telling me that what the diabetes doctor has told me was over the top and their friend who totally ignored their diagnosis had a perfectly healthy baby and natural labour and their knowledge from what they googled over a year ago when they had the test, which came back negative, is probably more reliable is not remotely helpful.
Some are great at sympathising - ‘that must be such a worry’ or ‘how shit that you can’t eat as much ice cream or as many cookies as you want.’
Some people’s responses when I tell them stem from having just as little knowledge and as many presumptions that I had before I was diagnosed, such as ’ did you know that you can get this Chinese tea that takes the fat out of your blood’ or ‘but your feet don’t look swollen at all’. Or regaling you with a story of their second aunt removed that had a gluten intolerance, before offering you a slice of cake.
Time to stop talking about it and focus on my pizza, pasta, beer and chocolate ice cream party for one I’ll be having in a couple of months!
